Thursday, October 25, 2012

“Children mistakes are not always bad”

Parents should always trust their children and give them age appropriate responsibilities. If children are successful finishing the task properly, then parents should appreciate their effort. But if, somehow, they couldn’t do the task properly, children should be encouraged and motivated to try the task once again. Because they always need their parent’s support to learn from their mistakes.                                                                                                                                                 -Ankima Kul.

Thursday, September 27, 2012


"Bully: A person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker" -Oxford Dictionary.

Bullying is an attack or intimidation with the intension to cause fear, distress or harm . It says to the victim that " I have a power on you in some ways, I have social power, i am bigger, older or stronger than you". To prove that they attack the same victim repeatedly. They subtly want the victim to feel uncomfortable and helpless. Bullying can be physical, racist, emotional and verbal which can completely knock the victim's self-confidence and self-esteem.

Anyone can be bullied. It could be a boy, girl, or sibling, no matter what their age is, who looks weak, depressed or alone. Similarly, anyone can do bully. It could be the sibling, boys and girls, anyone. Bullying is the equal opportunity for boys and girls. Boys tend to be more physical and aggressive but girls bully with their words by being ruder, subtle, and sneaky. some people do bully to hide their own inadequacy. They can have low self-esteem and feel insecure about who they are. They may also come from a background where that behaviour is not only acceptable, but normal. So they project their inadequacy on to other children by dumping their anger on the victim because of jealously, envy and even rejection.

Their are some warning signs which can give some clues to the parents, that their child is being bullied, are:

1- Victim will be quite in their temperament. They will not go and tell to anyone that they are being bullied.

2-Victim may have poor self-esteem

3-Victim may have friendship difficulties

4-Victim may have lack of assertiveness

How can parents help their child?

If the victim says that they are being bullied, parents have to discuss with them why they think they are. Some children can perceive that they are a victim of bullying when a friend unintentionally ignores them, someone jokes around with them or they are not invited to join in a game. Then, they are needed to be explained, by the parents, the difference between their friends having a joke/teasing them and bullying. And they also needed help to address the problem in the correct way.

When the parents come to know that their dear one is being bullied, they can give tools to the child so that the child feels that he also has some power. And that tool is Brave talk for younger kids and straight talk for older ones. All, parents can teach their children are:

Brave talk: Teach them how to look assertive- Use strong body language (maintain eye contact, firm tone of voice ) and face expressions to match with the message. And use 'I' statements, like- "I really don't like what you said" or "I don't agree with that".

Straight talk: Along with teaching the children of being assertive, also teach them that they can't control anyone but themselves. And that empowers them.

Also teach them positive self-talk (like-i am good and i don't care what they say), get them to speak up (like-leave me alone), when the bully say something like-'you are stupid' then they have to respond with 'Thank you, I know' and after that they could walk away.

Tips for the parents:

1- Respond, don't react- On the overreaction, child will shut down himself.

2-Investigate- Investigate the happening.

3- Stay open- Stay open to know that may be your child did something.

4-Empower the victim-Empower the children by not telling them what to do and what not to do. Encourage them to sort the things out by themselves first.

Ask your child that "do you want me to listen and understand right now or you are asking me for help and to do something?" because sometimes children just wanted to talk about the day and you might get panicked unnecessarily.

To conclude, tackling the problem of bullying is not as difficult as it looks like. The most important thing is the realization that we also have as much power to stop getting bullied, as in the person who is doing the bully.

Reference: "The Parent's Toolkit", Naomi Richards.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Practical Thoughts!!

1- "You should try to become your child's friend, but should not try to make the child your friend."~Ankima Kul.

2- I believe that parenting in a positive and practical way can change the child's dimension to see the world!! ~Ankima Kul.

 3- "Child's personality is like made up of glass. Parents, please, Handle your child with care." ~Ankima Kul

4- "saying "Relax" with smile n a tight hug is the most precious word which you can use to calm down your child,no matter what the situation is." ~Ankima Kul.

 5- "A good person is someone who gives importance and respect to himself without hurting anyone's feeling."~Ankima Kul.

6- "Please, don't break your child's trust by telling them lies for temporary co-operation."

Words really matter for the child if they are from their parents. Parents are the world for their child and someone they trust most. Even a small lie from parents can develop seeds of mistrust for outside world, when he grows up.

~Ankima Kul.

7- "Sometimes it is important to teach our children to be inactive, spend some time alone, take out some time to think about themselves or sit quietly and observe the surroundings. By doing so, they can grow spiritually and be willing to take decisions maturely." ~Ankima Kul.

8- Along with your regular items, always keep a pencil and paper/notebook for your child while travelling. It will help child not getting bored, plus free hand writing/drawing is a great way to develop child's imagination. ~Ankima Kul.

9- "It is very Important to teach our children 'Gratitude' by being grateful of what we have in our lives. It will be one of the most important skills they will have, to find the happiness in life, when they grow up." ~Ankima Kul.

10- “Being able to focus into one thing is more important than multitasking or trying to do many things at a time.”  ~Ankima Kul.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Fostering Kid's Success

We as a parent dream our children to have higher intelligence. We wish our children should be smart and bright enough to solve all the problems and be willing to achieve something special. But the question is how can we foster the intelligence in our children?

If parents are asked to answer some of the questions below:

Q-1. Why was the Michel Jackson so successful?

Q-2. Why do Asian kids often outperform American kids in mathematics?

Most parents will answer that "The Michel Jackson was incredibly gifted singer and dancer" or "People from Asia must have a genetic advantage for math." we all think that to be successful we need to be extraordinary talented, isn't it?

But surprisingly, the above statement is wrong. We assume that the behavior we are seeing is explained by the innate or inborn traits. But that is only one part. There are many other factors playing. One important thing is great effort put by parents and kid (for e.g. for honing their skills). This key of success applied with Asian kids in above question. Thomas Edison, once said "Genious is one percent inspiration, ninty-nine percent perspiration." Further, many people may have the same talent and the same trait but not the same luck to take the advantage from the opportunities at the right time.

Recipe of success: Talent, Effort and Luck are the recipe of success. Talent is mostly inborn or hard-wired. For Luck, in most circumstances parents have no control. But Effort includes soft wiring, and is an area where parents can work for their children.

Effort can be done in many ways. Parents can motivate their children to work hard, which is sometimes a reason behind many extraordinary successes. Another very important element is, boosting child's intelligence. Intelligence can be defined as "the ability to do things with reasonable speed and to apply the information to solve the problems." But intelligence is not all hard wired or genetic. It can be earned through experience or soft wiring such as good environment, improved nutrition etc. Intelligence is measured with an IQ score. To raise their child’s IQ parents can also encourage them for physical exercise, provide healthy nutrition and outdoor play, ensure adequate sleep, encourage them to sticking with the task to the finish, let them struggle to solve their own problems and sometimes you as a parent can also solve larger problems with them.

One more element parents can influence to boost their child’s intelligence is to praise them in a right way, which is quite tricky. Parents just need to follow some tips below to praise their children:

  • Instead of praising the ability, praise the effort: don’t say "you are really smart". Better to say "you really worked hard."
  • Give specific praise, not generic: rather than saying "you are good at drawing" say "you really made a beautiful flower."
  • Sincere praises would be more appreciable: instead of saying " you lost the match but you played well" say " i know you are disappointed, that was a tough one. You’ve got the next one to try again."
  • Don’t overdo the praise: avoid to overdo the praise so that the child won’t be addicted.

By following above suggestions, every parent can raise a happy and successful child.

~Ankima Kul.

Reference: "Smart Parenting,Smarter Kids", David Walsh.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Handling Child Tantrums!!

Handling and nurturing kids is not an easy task. Parents need lots of patience to deal with their growing child intelligently. The point to be concerned is how to be patient in the mid of the situation when the child throws tantrum? It’s difficult to control ourselves to not to react at the situation and think clearly.
Well, I think it’s difficult but not impossible. Parents need to focus on what and how they want to convey the right message to their child so that it can become a part of their values.
First of all, parents should understand that children don’t throw tantrums unnecessarily. In most cases, there are reasons behind them, like: tiredness, hunger, and unfilled tank of love and affection. So to understand those reasons and to your child, parents need to follow the steps below-

1- Calm down and try not to panic: Mostly every child throws tantrum once in a while. Instead of thinking what others will say or think, parents should not panic and concerned the need of their child.
2- Relax yourself: Parents should relax themselves first, before relaxing their child. Because if you are relaxed than only your mind will work in the right direction. To relax yourself firstly, take a deep breath, than pause and once again take a deep breath. Have some water also if you need.
3- Think clearly: Once you are relaxed, you can think about the situation, reasons, solutions and the response you want to give to your child.
4- Respond, not react: There is a huge difference between response and reaction. When parents reply to their child without thinking, or on their instinct, is a reaction. Replying after thinking the cons and pros is called Response.
5-Talk about the situation: Once parent and child are settled, they should talk about the situation. Children need to learn a lesson from the situation and this will only happen if parent and child discuss about the reasons, consequences and solutions for what had happened. 

 Each and every response from parents will affect the personality of their child. Children may turn a patient grown-up only if they are nurtured patiently.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Power of words: "Relax"

Saying "Relax" repeatedly with a smile n a tight hug is the most precious word which you can use to calm down the tantrums of your child as well as yourself at any time, any place, no matter what the situation is.
And the next step is to listen to your child as much as you can so that they feel empathised and when they feel that they hold an important place in your life and heart, they will start expressing themselves. That is a key to success.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Parenting Style According To Your Kids Personality Influenced By Zodiac Signs

Isn’t it quite amazing that something which is 300 million kilometres away, made up of metal, rock and gases, called planets and stars, can influence the behaviour and personality of human beings? Now, the question is “how do they really work?”
Well, every planet has strong radiations in particular month. And when a child is born under those months, he is affected by the radiations of the planets in different zodiac sings. That influences a new born child’s personality traits and makes him different from others. These zodiac signs are responsible for a person’s personality, talents, intelligence, physique, characteristics, temperament, and their basic nature.
Indian and western zodiac traditions have 12 constellations and each of them has their own qualities and strengths. Parents can use these signs to better understand and help their child in their lives. These signs are:
ARIES (March 21- April 20):
Aries children are natural leaders, very energetic, impulsive, self-expressive, passionate, forceful, independent, like show-off, aggressive, courageous, brave, egotistical, and strong. They keep themselves first and sometimes cross the limits if someone challenges them because they like challenges. Aries children are great to start new projects but not good in finishing them.
Parents need to be patient and guide their little ones gently and firmly to stay on the task. Aries have high energy, so parents need to channelize their energy through physical exercise. Because of their often stubbornness, we also need to teach them the idea of compromise.

TAURUS (April 21- May 21):
Taurian child is sweet, cuddly, passive, practical, co-operative, creative, harmonious, beautiful, affectionate, moderate, indulgent, self-motivated, resistant, sociable, loves routine, likes to be strong and cheerful, and takes his responsibility seriously. Taurian is a sensual child who experiences the world through their senses like taste, touch and experience. They love to eat from the time they are born, but try to avoid giving them sugary food. Taurians are good at handling money.
Introduce your child outdoors as early as possible as they bloom in natural environment. Taurus children won’t be rushed. This is something you, as a parent, will need to adjust for. In fact, they're pretty slow. Don't try to pack too many activities into one day because the likelihood is your little one just won’t get through them all. Security is their first priority, so they want to be swaddled and held.
GEMINI (May 22- June 21):
Gemini children are curious, versatile, bright, charming, communicative and sociable, curious and fully aware of their surroundings. They are witty and adaptable to any circumstance with a cheerful attitude,
They like new things and once they master something they will get bored. Parents should make sure that their child is surrounded with books and puzzles to keep his mind busy and active. They can change their mind often, so as a parent you should help them focus and develop a particular area of strength. 
CANCER (June 22- July 23):
Cancer children are sensitive, who learn from their emotional memory. They always prefer home environment surrounded with familiar things, so, while going out somewhere, parents should bring something along (like a favourite toy) which gives them feeling of security.
They like to follow a routine so as a parent you can give them an unchanging home environment. Cancerians want lots of affection which gives them emotional security. Besides that they are caring, kind and a good listener.
They like privacy. When they are threatened, they normally pull into themselves until they feel everything is safe again. Parents should let them solve their problems and should encourage them to talk about their feelings to build up their confidence.

LEO (July 24- August 23):
Leo is the only sign which is ruled by a star and that is “Sun”. They are well known as a born leader. They have an enormous heart, are generous, loyal, humorous, honest, enthusiastic, and affectionate.
Leos are like coconut, hard from outside and vulnerable from inside.  They are very sensitive, so, as a parent, you have to be very careful while talking to your little ones because your one harsh word can knock down their confidence.
They always seek for attention and approval. They do best if they are showered with genuine praises and credits for what they have done. Leo children have a natural dramatic talent, so they enjoy stage performances and like to dress themselves in colourful sense of style. Parents need to genuinely reward them for their strengths as much as possible.

VIRGO (August 24- September 23):
Virgo child has a great common sense. They give attention to details and that’s why they are known as perfectionist. They make decisions only after concerning the cons and pros of the situation.  They generally have high standards and are cautious, so they seem shy.
Virgo children are sharply intellectual, careful, critical and modest. They love to help others and this is the quality which parents should encourage. As a parent, to avoid your child’s over modesty and perfectionism, you should encourage him as much as possible and pass the message that sometimes good enough is just that.

LIBRA (September 24- October 23):
Peace-maker Libra child is charming and friendly with everyone. He is connected with their loved ones. Libra children are not able to express their point confidently in front of others because they think that others might be hurt. So they become indecisive and always try to be gentle, polite and try to please others.
A fair Libra child loves beauty and comfort. They bring people close. As a parent of a Libra your responsibility is to teach them that being assertive is not bad. Help them to build self-confidence.

SCORPIO (October 24- November 22):
Scorpio child’s magnetic personality is full of mystery and secrets. They never expose their true personality, but there is so much hidden inside their brains that you shouldn’t be fooled by their calm personality.
They are passionate and deep thinker. Parents are their first concern to form emotional connection but you can only understand them if they let you in. Without realising they may frequently test the strength of this bond to confirm that how much you love them. They have a natural sense to understand others.
Suspicious Scorpio is an all-or-nothing child, with almost no level in between, and for both of these levels they become obsessive. As a parent of a Scorpio child you need to teach them the importance of forgiveness and balanced relationship.  To channel their focus, teach them to develop any interest and that will be good for them as well as for others also.

 SAGITTARIUS (November 23- December 21):
Children who come under this sign tend to have positive attitude towards life. They are known as born adventurers, are full of energy, outgoing and like changes. They want to explore the world and gain experience.
Sagies are sporty so as a parent you need to channelize their energy by taking them out for physical exercise and play. To keep their mind active, you need to arrange lots of books and trips to zoo, museum, art galleries etc. They need challenges and freedom, so make sure you give them. Friendly and optimistic Sagis are always surrounded with people. You can also throw a party for them.

CAPRICORN (December 22- January 20):
The most serious sign, which is highly ambitious, may think pretend play, hide-and-seek, and dressing-up are all non-sense and wastage of time. They like rewards, success, and approval and to get them they work hard.  From the very young age Capris know what exactly they want in their life, and so they plan accordingly.
Capri child has natural sense of responsibility, so they can be a responsible older sibling. But as a parent you should give them some time to play and relax. Also tell them the importance of being flexible. Shower them with praises.

AQUARIUS (January 21- February 19):
Aquarius children are different from others. They are original, unpredictable, and marches to the beat of their own drum. Friendly Aquarians are social, inventive, incredible, and technical, likes unusual things and attracted to new experiences.
Parents should respect their individuality and freedom otherwise they will get depressed. These children tend to be intelligent and problem solver. They can take out their brilliance when showered with books, art and craft materials and are encouraged for creativity. As a parent give them plenty of space.

PISCES (February 20- March 20):
Pisces children are a real dreamer and being a dreamer they mostly live in fantasy. They are imaginative, intuitive, sensitive, loving, caring, self-sacrificing. They have lots of empathy for others, and that’s why, until it is too late, they don’t believe that they are being cheated.
Instead of logic, they believe in instincts. They have great ideas about the life, but unfortunately they are not related to reality. As a parent you have to step in when they need to protect themselves from those who want to take an advantage from them. As a baby they want an extra affection, cuddles, kisses, and encouragement.

Overall, based on above discussion, we can broadly draw two conclusions. One, that every child is different from others, star signs being one of the main reasons. Second, that because of these differences, each child has his own strengths and weaknesses and parents should modify their parenting styles accordingly, to make his child a happy and successful individual.

[1] BabyCenter Horoscopes.

[2] Baby's character traits according to his sun sign.

[3] Your sunsign.


Saturday, February 11, 2012

Birth Order and Kid's Personality

Sometimes we wonder how siblings living in the same house with same parents have different personalities. Birth Order seems to be the main reason. Does a child’s place in the family really matter?
Well, I think birth order makes a person unique from others. Factors such as age, gender and race, shape the personality, but birth order is one of the main factors which influence the personality most. Giving it importance can help you understand your kid’s personality so that they can be successful in their own unique way. Let’s see how your kid’s personality is influenced by their position in family:

The first born child
First borns are smarter and have higher IQ than their other siblings. It’s because of how they are treated by their parents. They have their Mum and Dad to spend more time since they are born and they used to being the centre of attention. They spend more time in reading and explaining things to their first born child and that’s why they achieve high in their life. Parents give them lot of responsibility at home, like helping in house hold work and watch the younger siblings, so they become natural leaders. Research says that most of the politicians or leaders are first borns.Parents should encourage them to understand other's feelings and try not to be bossy.

The middle born child
Middle borns often feel neglected and not valued because they don’t get much parental attention as compared to their siblings. They are more close to their friends because they feel that their family ignores their needs and wants. Middle borns try to please others to gain attention and avoid confrontation. They are very down to earth and a good listener. Parents should give them importance and involve them in discussions.

The last born child
Last born child gets everyone’s love and attention. They are energetic, full of life and friendly. They get bored quickly, so they always try something creative. Last borns have elders in their family to take the responsibilities, which make them carefree and risk takers. But to avoid carelessness, parents should give them some responsibilities at home.

The only born child
Only born child is much similar to first borns. They have difficult relationship with peers because they spend more time with parents and learn most of the skills from them, that’s why onlies are more comfortable with adults. They are ambitious, well organised, demanding and dependent, don’t take criticism well and their feelings are easily hurt. Parents should make sure that their child spends time with peers so that he can be comfortable with their age mates also.

The twin children
Twins are unique in many ways. They look similar but are different emotionally. They are playmates, friends, and share their secrets and everything. They are dependent and close to each other, and protect and complete each other. But when they grow up, they start seeking their individuality. Sometimes one twin leads the other and the other follows him so they develop very close relationship. If they have other siblings, twins make them feel jealous because twins want, and get, more time, energy and attention. Parents should maintain the balance. They should treat their twins as individuals to make them grow happy. And parents should individually encourage them to develop their own interests and passion.

Adopted child
If a child is adopted, they have two kinds of birth order. One is biological birth order, which they have from their biological mother and second is functional birth order, which they have with the family that adopted them. For the purpose of personality development and compatibility, functional birth order matters the most because their new family is the place where their personality forms. If the adopted child is biologically the first born but if adopted by a family where his birth order is last one, then he will have a personality as a last born child. 

With the above description we come to know that birth order plays an important role in designing a child’s personality. And some problems which may come can be solved by good parenting. Following points could be considered:

  • Talk and Read a lot: Reading together brings closeness between parent and kid. It will also help in increasing the verbal skills and IQ levels equally among the siblings.
  • Give attention to your child: Always give attention to your child to raise their self-esteem and confidence. Make them feel your presence in their lives.
  • Make them feel responsible: Give basic responsibilities to your children so that they feel that they are also capable.
  • Let your child teach younger sibling: Teaching younger sibling can help both of them in many ways. In most cases, the older child gains most of their IQ from teaching their younger siblings. Besides that, they develop the close bonding.
By taking care of such things we can make sure that all of our kids grow as good and happy individuals, together.

[1] The power of birth order.
[2] Why oldest kids are smarter.
[3] how your birth order shapes your personality.
[4] Birth order and you.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Digital Techonolgy Effect On Kid's Brain

Now a days people are living in an online world, which makes our lives comfortable and easy. We can do several works together as digital devices make our brain sharper and grown.

Research shows that kids who spend more time with electronic or digital technology respond more quickly to any visual stimuli, have improved peripheral vision, and are better able to gain quick information. The growth of digital technologies in our kid’s lives, like TV, video games, cell phones and the internet, gives both the opportunity as well as risk.  Our kids may become all-rounder in different fields but may not be an expert in one. For example, when a kid is checking her text messages or social networking pages in between her math homework, she constantly loses her focus from her homework because she keeps her “math chunks” to the side to respond to her friend. Multitasking loses their speed, accuracy and efficiency. 

Studies say that technologies send mixed messages. They give educational benefits as well as addiction and chronic distraction. Now we all might be thinking that how the three-pound wonder on the top of our shoulder, called as brain, works. Electronic technologies are going to multiply because day by day virtual lives are replacing real lives in kids.  With a touch of a button they can connect the real world to the virtual world. Kids are shrinking into their own world and they are not comfortable to express their emotions and feelings face to face. Many people, who add dozens of friends to their online life, run the risk of ignoring the real people around them in their families. They hang out with friends they already know in the real world, through online world.  

Concerning the pros and cons of online or electronic world in our kid’s lives, we can limit the media exposure and gain the benefits. A few points could be considered:
  1. Get them active at least one hour physical activity every day.
  2. Make sure they eat nutritious food such as fruits and vegetables, and drink lots of fluids.
  3. Reduce screen time with active life and real world learning.
  4. Try that they have one full day, free of electronic devices, at least once a week.

Parents of 21st century should consciously decide how to let their children use the digital technologies for raising successful and healthy kids. 

 " Smart Parenting, Smarter Kids". David Walsh.