Why do children lie?

Today, on my way to London, I met with a gentleman. He asked me, "Should we allow our children to lie sometimes?"

"Well!", I said, "lying normally should not be acceptable (except in certain situations like if the child's or somebody's life is not in danger), but when the child lies, the parents, instead of reacting & scolding, should try to handle the situation with patience and self-reflection as to why the child lied in first place."

Children normally lie when they have some kind of insecurities of being open, such as: they will be punished, scolded or hit.

To remove these insecurities or to avoid the situation where they have to lie, children must have someone in their lives (parents, grand-parents, teachers etc.) to whom they can turn if they want. Someone who listens to them and makes them feel comfortable & secure, someone who can teach them to learn from their mistakes, and who loves the child unconditionally. Once they feel secure and comfortable, children will feel less need to lie, and more motivated to present the truth (which in turn will make them more confident, as lying always brings some disharmony within oneself). 

~Shades Of Practical Parenting.

HOW MUCH SLEEP FOR A HEALTHY BRAIN?

For many children, the main reason for temper tantrums, fussiness, irritability, whining, dawdling and stubbornness is purely and simply the lack of adequate, restful sleep. 

Healthy brains need snooze time each night:

Babies (3-11 months):- 14 to 15 hours of sleep

Toddlers (1-3 yrs):- 12 to 14 hours of sleep

Pre-schoolers (3-5 yrs):- 11 to 13 hours of sleep

First through fifth graders (6-10 yrs):- 10 to 11 hours of sleep

Preteens (11-14):- 9 hours of sleep

Teenagers (14-18):- 6 to 8 hours of sleep

Sleep difficulties lead to cranky and tired kids, which in turn makes for tired, cranky parents.
~Shades of Practical Parenting.

Children too deserve "sorry"!!

Children deserve a "sincere sorry" from the grown ups, when they are hurt. A sorry without any excuses, blames or explanations. Apologizing straight from the heart can strengthen parent-child relationship and also enrich their soul!!

Parents Can Help Their Children!!

PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR CHILDREN:

Parents can help their children to explore and understand themselves by asking simple questions about them and their lives (preferably before going to bed). Questions such as: what do they want to be,what kind of a person they want to be when they grow up, what kind of things they like/dislike or how do they solve a particular problem, etc?
These simple questions can bring their focus towards their inner world rather than the world outside. It also builds a special bonding between parent and child relationship. When parents show interest in their child’s life, it makes children feel loved, accepted and important in their parent’s life. This gives them confidence, self-esteem and self-worth, which is very much required to face the world. ~Shades Of Practical Parenting.

https://www.facebook.com/shadesofpracticalparenting 

BOYS CAN ALSO CRY!!

BOYS CAN ALSO CRY:

Every parent should teach their son(s), just like their daughters, the importance of expressing their emotions (in a positive way). Help them to be empathetic by allowing them to be sensitive about other’s feelings. Crying is a symbol of how strong your son is. So let them cry when they want to. It’s good for their emotional health. EI (Emotional Intelligence) is more important than IQ (Intelligence Quotient)!!
                                                                                       ~Shades Of Practical Parenting.
                                                                                                                            https://www.facebook.com/shadesofpracticalparenting

Anger Management for Children

Generally we see Anger as a negative emotion but, in reality, Frustration and Anger are normal emotions. The only problem which makes anger a negative feeling is the wrong way to release it.

Anger is a defence feeling against deeper feelings of fear, pain, hurt, and disappointment.  It is just a normal reaction to defend ourselves when things go wrong, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. When children can’t recognise or tell their anger in words, they use their behaviour. But when that behaviour crosses the boundaries, it becomes devastating and turns into the aggression. They scream, hit, destroy the objects, refusing to do what they are told and say horrible things or they can hurt others.

Importance of expressing anger in a right way: It is really as dangerous a habit to express anger negatively as to supress it. Children are taught from a young age not to have tantrums, or not take anger out in public to avoid embarrassment. Basically, children feel anger but do not express it. They start to keep the feelings inside, which is quite unhealthy for their emotional health. Supressing anger causes anxiety, stress, and behavioural problems in children. And later, high blood pressure, insomnia and heart problems. So there should be a balance to express and cope with the anger.

Reasons for feeling angry: There are lots of reasons to get angry. Some of them are:

1.       Feeling rejected by parents, family or a group of peers

2.       Friendship problems

3.       Brothers and sisters being annoying

4.       Parents not allowing them to do something they want to

5.       Being treated unfairly

6.       When someone pushing their buttons

7.       Stress or anxiety

8.       Helplessness

How to help children recognise the early warning signs:  If children can acknowledge that they are getting angry or what is happening in their body, they can use their power to stop anger before it gets out of control. They can recognise the anger and release it in a safe way that is not going to hurt anyone else, physically or verbally.

First step is noticing the physical changes in their body. Are they feeling themselves red? Do their hands clench? Or do they feel their heart beating faster?

Second step is changing the attitude. If children change their attitude about what others are saying or doing to them that irritates them and just let it go over their head or they may also think that it’s not worth getting angry, then things can go better. In other words, it’s better to neglect the situation. But if they can’t neglect then they could verbalise firmly their angry feeling to the person they are with that “I am angry right now, and I really need to be myself” and walk away.

How can children manage their anger:  Once they are out of the situation, they have to relax and calm themselves.  To express their anger in a right way they can:

1.       Do some vigorous activities to channelize their energy like- kicking the ball, brisk walk, shout out loud in the garden/bedroom, dance, jump on trampoline or play tennis

2.       Count to 20 backwards

3.       Recite the word “Relax” over and over again

4.       Take deep breaths

5.       Have some water

6.       Listen to music or play musical instrument

7.       Do some of their favourite work like- drawing, watching TV or singing

8.       Find some quite space and think what happened, what the trigger was for them getting angry and what they need to do to get the life back on track

9.       Talk to someone like- parents, friends or teachers

10.   They can have an anger drawer in which they can store anger

11.   They can also write their thoughts in an anger diary about what made them angry, how they dealt with them, or what they can do next

Parents should consider few things while responding to the angry child:

1.       It is very important for the parents to stay calm and not to react

2.       Parents should show the child that they accept his or her feelings

3.       Parents must teach them the right ways to express their feeling

4.       Parents should convey their values and communicate what they expect from their child

5.       Parents should not punish their child for expressing their anger and try to find the reason behind it

6.       Try to ignore inappropriate behaviour that can be tolerated

7.       Listen and understand the child and his feelings

8.       Give the child some space & time of his/her own, to calm down

9.       Fill the tank of love and affection of their child

Finally, children should understand that when they are angry, they are the only people who are responsible for their actions and emotions.They cannot change others, but they can change themselves for the peace of their mind.

Depth is more important than width!

“Being able to focus into one thing is more important than multitasking or trying to do many things at a time.”  ~Ankima Kul.

In today’s society it is considered that people, who are able to do more than one task at a time, are smarter or more intelligent than those who focus in one thing at a time. This is true for directly simultaneous tasks, such as watching TV or talking on phone while eating food, as well as indirect simultaneous tasks, such as joining many extra-curricular activities in the week (e.g. cricket, football, piano etc., all together along with regular school).

Those people, who do multitasking, are actually shifting their attention from one task to another, and it is found that it is not good for the smartness or intelligence of the individual. David Walsh mentions in his book Smart parenting, Smarter kids ,“… this digital age, teens wire their brains to make these shifts very quickly, but paying attention to one thing at a time, sequentially. Common sense tells us multitasking should increase brain activity, but actually it doesn’t. Researches discovered that multitasking actually decreases brain activity. Neither task is done as well as if each were performed individually, fractions of a second are lost every time we make a switch, and a person’s interrupted task can take 50 percent longer to finish, with 50 percent more errors.”

It is not that the children can’t do some tasks simultaneously but if they do two or more tasks at once, one of them has to be very familiar. Our brain performs the familiar task on “automatic pilot” while really paying attention to the other one. For e.g., kids can normally talk while tying shoe laces, as latter goes on auto pilot. But it is always better to do one thing at a time as constant distraction is a real threat to kid’s growth and success.