Depth is more important than width!

“Being able to focus into one thing is more important than multitasking or trying to do many things at a time.”  ~Ankima Kul.

In today’s society it is considered that people, who are able to do more than one task at a time, are smarter or more intelligent than those who focus in one thing at a time. This is true for directly simultaneous tasks, such as watching TV or talking on phone while eating food, as well as indirect simultaneous tasks, such as joining many extra-curricular activities in the week (e.g. cricket, football, piano etc., all together along with regular school).

Those people, who do multitasking, are actually shifting their attention from one task to another, and it is found that it is not good for the smartness or intelligence of the individual. David Walsh mentions in his book Smart parenting, Smarter kids ,“… this digital age, teens wire their brains to make these shifts very quickly, but paying attention to one thing at a time, sequentially. Common sense tells us multitasking should increase brain activity, but actually it doesn’t. Researches discovered that multitasking actually decreases brain activity. Neither task is done as well as if each were performed individually, fractions of a second are lost every time we make a switch, and a person’s interrupted task can take 50 percent longer to finish, with 50 percent more errors.”

It is not that the children can’t do some tasks simultaneously but if they do two or more tasks at once, one of them has to be very familiar. Our brain performs the familiar task on “automatic pilot” while really paying attention to the other one. For e.g., kids can normally talk while tying shoe laces, as latter goes on auto pilot. But it is always better to do one thing at a time as constant distraction is a real threat to kid’s growth and success.

“Children mistakes are not always bad”

Parents should always trust their children and give them age appropriate responsibilities. If children are successful finishing the task properly, then parents should appreciate their effort. But if, somehow, they couldn’t do the task properly, children should be encouraged and motivated to try the task once again. Because they always need their parent’s support to learn from their mistakes.                                                                                                                                                 -Ankima Kul.

Bullying

"Bully: A person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker" -Oxford Dictionary.

Bullying is an attack or intimidation with the intension to cause fear, distress or harm . It says to the victim that " I have a power on you in some ways, I have social power, i am bigger, older or stronger than you". To prove that they attack the same victim repeatedly. They subtly want the victim to feel uncomfortable and helpless. Bullying can be physical, racist, emotional and verbal which can completely knock the victim's self-confidence and self-esteem.

Anyone can be bullied. It could be a boy, girl, or sibling, no matter what their age is, who looks weak, depressed or alone. Similarly, anyone can do bully. It could be the sibling, boys and girls, anyone. Bullying is the equal opportunity for boys and girls. Boys tend to be more physical and aggressive but girls bully with their words by being ruder, subtle, and sneaky. some people do bully to hide their own inadequacy. They can have low self-esteem and feel insecure about who they are. They may also come from a background where that behaviour is not only acceptable, but normal. So they project their inadequacy on to other children by dumping their anger on the victim because of jealously, envy and even rejection.

Their are some warning signs which can give some clues to the parents, that their child is being bullied, are:

1- Victim will be quite in their temperament. They will not go and tell to anyone that they are being bullied.

2-Victim may have poor self-esteem

3-Victim may have friendship difficulties

4-Victim may have lack of assertiveness

How can parents help their child?

If the victim says that they are being bullied, parents have to discuss with them why they think they are. Some children can perceive that they are a victim of bullying when a friend unintentionally ignores them, someone jokes around with them or they are not invited to join in a game. Then, they are needed to be explained, by the parents, the difference between their friends having a joke/teasing them and bullying. And they also needed help to address the problem in the correct way.

When the parents come to know that their dear one is being bullied, they can give tools to the child so that the child feels that he also has some power. And that tool is Brave talk for younger kids and straight talk for older ones. All, parents can teach their children are:

Brave talk: Teach them how to look assertive- Use strong body language (maintain eye contact, firm tone of voice ) and face expressions to match with the message. And use 'I' statements, like- "I really don't like what you said" or "I don't agree with that".

Straight talk: Along with teaching the children of being assertive, also teach them that they can't control anyone but themselves. And that empowers them.

Also teach them positive self-talk (like-i am good and i don't care what they say), get them to speak up (like-leave me alone), when the bully say something like-'you are stupid' then they have to respond with 'Thank you, I know' and after that they could walk away.

Tips for the parents:

1- Respond, don't react- On the overreaction, child will shut down himself.

2-Investigate- Investigate the happening.

3- Stay open- Stay open to know that may be your child did something.

4-Empower the victim-Empower the children by not telling them what to do and what not to do. Encourage them to sort the things out by themselves first.

Ask your child that "do you want me to listen and understand right now or you are asking me for help and to do something?" because sometimes children just wanted to talk about the day and you might get panicked unnecessarily.

To conclude, tackling the problem of bullying is not as difficult as it looks like. The most important thing is the realization that we also have as much power to stop getting bullied, as in the person who is doing the bully.

Reference: "The Parent's Toolkit", Naomi Richards.
                   http://www.kidpointz.com/

Practical Thoughts!!

1- "You should try to become your child's friend, but should not try to make the child your friend."~Ankima Kul.

2- I believe that parenting in a positive and practical way can change the child's dimension to see the world!! ~Ankima Kul.

 3- "Child's personality is like made up of glass. Parents, please, Handle your child with care." ~Ankima Kul

4- "saying "Relax" with smile n a tight hug is the most precious word which you can use to calm down your child,no matter what the situation is." ~Ankima Kul.

 5- "A good person is someone who gives importance and respect to himself without hurting anyone's feeling."~Ankima Kul.


6- "Please, don't break your child's trust by telling them lies for temporary co-operation."

Words really matter for the child if they are from their parents. Parents are the world for their child and someone they trust most. Even a small lie from parents can develop seeds of mistrust for outside world, when he grows up.

~Ankima Kul.

7- "Sometimes it is important to teach our children to be inactive, spend some time alone, take out some time to think about themselves or sit quietly and observe the surroundings. By doing so, they can grow spiritually and be willing to take decisions maturely." ~Ankima Kul.

8- Along with your regular items, always keep a pencil and paper/notebook for your child while travelling. It will help child not getting bored, plus free hand writing/drawing is a great way to develop child's imagination. ~Ankima Kul.

9- "It is very Important to teach our children 'Gratitude' by being grateful of what we have in our lives. It will be one of the most important skills they will have, to find the happiness in life, when they grow up." ~Ankima Kul.

10- “Being able to focus into one thing is more important than multitasking or trying to do many things at a time.”  ~Ankima Kul.

Fostering Kid's Success

We as a parent dream our children to have higher intelligence. We wish our children should be smart and bright enough to solve all the problems and be willing to achieve something special. But the question is how can we foster the intelligence in our children?

If parents are asked to answer some of the questions below:

Q-1. Why was the Michel Jackson so successful?

Q-2. Why do Asian kids often outperform American kids in mathematics?

Most parents will answer that "The Michel Jackson was incredibly gifted singer and dancer" or "People from Asia must have a genetic advantage for math." we all think that to be successful we need to be extraordinary talented, isn't it?

But surprisingly, the above statement is wrong. We assume that the behavior we are seeing is explained by the innate or inborn traits. But that is only one part. There are many other factors playing. One important thing is great effort put by parents and kid (for e.g. for honing their skills). This key of success applied with Asian kids in above question. Thomas Edison, once said "Genious is one percent inspiration, ninty-nine percent perspiration." Further, many people may have the same talent and the same trait but not the same luck to take the advantage from the opportunities at the right time.

Recipe of success: Talent, Effort and Luck are the recipe of success. Talent is mostly inborn or hard-wired. For Luck, in most circumstances parents have no control. But Effort includes soft wiring, and is an area where parents can work for their children.

Effort can be done in many ways. Parents can motivate their children to work hard, which is sometimes a reason behind many extraordinary successes. Another very important element is, boosting child's intelligence. Intelligence can be defined as "the ability to do things with reasonable speed and to apply the information to solve the problems." But intelligence is not all hard wired or genetic. It can be earned through experience or soft wiring such as good environment, improved nutrition etc. Intelligence is measured with an IQ score. To raise their child’s IQ parents can also encourage them for physical exercise, provide healthy nutrition and outdoor play, ensure adequate sleep, encourage them to sticking with the task to the finish, let them struggle to solve their own problems and sometimes you as a parent can also solve larger problems with them.

One more element parents can influence to boost their child’s intelligence is to praise them in a right way, which is quite tricky. Parents just need to follow some tips below to praise their children:

• Instead of praising the ability, praise the effort: don’t say "you are really smart". Better to say "you really worked hard."
• Give specific praise, not generic: rather than saying "you are good at drawing" say "you really made a beautiful flower."
• Sincere praises would be more appreciable: instead of saying " you lost the match but you played well" say " i know you are disappointed, that was a tough one. You’ve got the next one to try again."
• Don’t overdo the praise: avoid to overdo the praise so that the child won’t be addicted.

By following above suggestions, every parent can raise a happy and successful child.


~Ankima Kul.



Reference: "Smart Parenting,Smarter Kids", David Walsh.

Handling Child Tantrums!!

Handling and nurturing kids is not an easy task. Parents need lots of patience to deal with their growing child intelligently. The point to be concerned is how to be patient in the mid of the situation when the child throws tantrum? It’s difficult to control ourselves to not to react at the situation and think clearly.

Well, I think it’s difficult but not impossible. Parents need to focus on what and how they want to convey the right message to their child so that it can become a part of their values.

First of all, parents should understand that children don’t throw tantrums unnecessarily. In most cases, there are reasons behind them, like: tiredness, hunger, and unfilled tank of love and affection. So to understand those reasons and to your child, parents need to follow the steps below-

1- Calm down and try not to panic: Mostly every child throws tantrum once in a while. Instead of thinking what others will say or think, parents should not panic and concerned the need of their child.

2- Relax yourself: Parents should relax themselves first, before relaxing their child. Because if you are relaxed than only your mind will work in the right direction. To relax yourself firstly, take a deep breath, than pause and once again take a deep breath. Have some water also if you need.

3- Think clearly: Once you are relaxed, you can think about the situation, reasons, solutions and the response you want to give to your child.

4- Respond, not react: There is a huge difference between response and reaction. When parents reply to their child without thinking, or on their instinct, is a reaction. Replying after thinking the cons and pros is called Response.

5-Talk about the situation: Once parent and child are settled, they should talk about the situation. Children need to learn a lesson from the situation and this will only happen if parent and child discuss about the reasons, consequences and solutions for what had happened. 

 Each and every response from parents will affect the personality of their child. Children may turn a patient grown-up only if they are nurtured patiently.

Power of words: "Relax"

Saying "Relax" repeatedly with a smile n a tight hug is the most precious word which you can use to calm down the tantrums of your child as well as yourself at any time, any place, no matter what the situation is.
And the next step is to listen to your child as much as you can so that they feel empathised and when they feel that they hold an important place in your life and heart, they will start expressing themselves. That is a key to success.