Generally we see Anger
as a negative emotion but, in reality, Frustration
and Anger are normal emotions.
The only problem which makes anger a negative
feeling is the wrong way to release it.
Anger is a defence feeling
against deeper feelings of fear, pain, hurt, and disappointment. It is just a normal reaction to defend
ourselves when things go wrong, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. When
children can’t recognise or tell their anger in words, they use their behaviour.
But when that behaviour crosses the boundaries, it becomes devastating and turns
into the aggression. They scream, hit, destroy the objects, refusing to do what
they are told and say horrible things or they can hurt others.
Importance of expressing anger in a right way: It is really as
dangerous a habit to express anger negatively as to supress it. Children are
taught from a young age not to have tantrums, or not take anger out in public
to avoid embarrassment. Basically, children feel anger but do not express it. They
start to keep the feelings inside, which is quite unhealthy for their emotional
health. Supressing anger causes anxiety, stress, and behavioural problems in
children. And later, high blood pressure, insomnia and heart problems. So there
should be a balance to express and cope with the anger.
Reasons for feeling
angry: There are lots of reasons to get angry. Some of them are:
1.
Feeling rejected by parents, family or a group
of peers
2.
Friendship problems
3.
Brothers and sisters being annoying
4.
Parents not allowing them to do something they
want to
5.
Being treated unfairly
6.
When someone pushing their buttons
7.
Stress or anxiety
8.
Helplessness
How to help children recognise
the early warning signs: If children
can acknowledge that they are getting angry or what is happening in their body,
they can use their power to stop anger before it gets out of control. They can
recognise the anger and release it in a safe way that is not going to hurt
anyone else, physically or verbally.
First step is noticing the physical changes in their body.
Are they feeling themselves red? Do their hands clench? Or do they feel their
heart beating faster?
Second step is changing the attitude. If children change
their attitude about what others are saying or doing to them that irritates
them and just let it go over their head or they may also think that it’s not
worth getting angry, then things can go better. In other words, it’s better to
neglect the situation. But if they can’t neglect then they could verbalise
firmly their angry feeling to the person they are with that “I am angry right
now, and I really need to be myself” and walk away.
How can children
manage their anger: Once they are
out of the situation, they have to relax and calm themselves. To express their anger in a right way they
can:
1.
Do some vigorous activities to channelize their
energy like- kicking the ball, brisk walk, shout out loud in the garden/bedroom,
dance, jump on trampoline or play tennis
2.
Count to 20 backwards
3.
Recite the word “Relax” over and over again
4.
Take deep breaths
5.
Have some water
6.
Listen to music or play musical instrument
7.
Do some of their favourite work like- drawing, watching
TV or singing
8.
Find some quite space and think what happened,
what the trigger was for them getting angry and what they need to do to get the
life back on track
9.
Talk to someone like- parents, friends or
teachers
10.
They can have an anger drawer in which they can
store anger
11.
They can also write their thoughts in an anger
diary about what made them angry, how they dealt with them, or what they can do
next
Parents should
consider few things while responding to the angry child:
1.
It is very important for the parents to stay
calm and not to react
2.
Parents should show the child that they accept
his or her feelings
3.
Parents must teach them the right ways to
express their feeling
4.
Parents should convey their values and
communicate what they expect from their child
5.
Parents should not punish their child for
expressing their anger and try to find the reason behind it
6.
Try to ignore inappropriate behaviour that can
be tolerated
7.
Listen and understand the child and his feelings
8.
Give the child some space & time of his/her
own, to calm down
9.
Fill the tank of love and affection of their
child
Finally, children should understand that when they are
angry, they are the only people who are responsible for their actions and
emotions.They cannot change others, but they can change themselves for the
peace of their mind.
