Children too deserve "sorry"!!

Children deserve a "sincere sorry" from the grown ups, when they are hurt. A sorry without any excuses, blames or explanations. Apologizing straight from the heart can strengthen parent-child relationship and also enrich their soul!!

Parents Can Help Their Children!!

PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR CHILDREN:

Parents can help their children to explore and understand themselves by asking simple questions about them and their lives (preferably before going to bed). Questions such as: what do they want to be,what kind of a person they want to be when they grow up, what kind of things they like/dislike or how do they solve a particular problem, etc?
These simple questions can bring their focus towards their inner world rather than the world outside. It also builds a special bonding between parent and child relationship. When parents show interest in their child’s life, it makes children feel loved, accepted and important in their parent’s life. This gives them confidence, self-esteem and self-worth, which is very much required to face the world. ~Shades Of Practical Parenting.

https://www.facebook.com/shadesofpracticalparenting 

BOYS CAN ALSO CRY!!

BOYS CAN ALSO CRY:

Every parent should teach their son(s), just like their daughters, the importance of expressing their emotions (in a positive way). Help them to be empathetic by allowing them to be sensitive about other’s feelings. Crying is a symbol of how strong your son is. So let them cry when they want to. It’s good for their emotional health. EI (Emotional Intelligence) is more important than IQ (Intelligence Quotient)!!
                                                                                       ~Shades Of Practical Parenting.
                                                                                                                            https://www.facebook.com/shadesofpracticalparenting

Anger Management for Children

Generally we see Anger as a negative emotion but, in reality, Frustration and Anger are normal emotions. The only problem which makes anger a negative feeling is the wrong way to release it.

Anger is a defence feeling against deeper feelings of fear, pain, hurt, and disappointment.  It is just a normal reaction to defend ourselves when things go wrong, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. When children can’t recognise or tell their anger in words, they use their behaviour. But when that behaviour crosses the boundaries, it becomes devastating and turns into the aggression. They scream, hit, destroy the objects, refusing to do what they are told and say horrible things or they can hurt others.

Importance of expressing anger in a right way: It is really as dangerous a habit to express anger negatively as to supress it. Children are taught from a young age not to have tantrums, or not take anger out in public to avoid embarrassment. Basically, children feel anger but do not express it. They start to keep the feelings inside, which is quite unhealthy for their emotional health. Supressing anger causes anxiety, stress, and behavioural problems in children. And later, high blood pressure, insomnia and heart problems. So there should be a balance to express and cope with the anger.

Reasons for feeling angry: There are lots of reasons to get angry. Some of them are:

1.       Feeling rejected by parents, family or a group of peers

2.       Friendship problems

3.       Brothers and sisters being annoying

4.       Parents not allowing them to do something they want to

5.       Being treated unfairly

6.       When someone pushing their buttons

7.       Stress or anxiety

8.       Helplessness

How to help children recognise the early warning signs:  If children can acknowledge that they are getting angry or what is happening in their body, they can use their power to stop anger before it gets out of control. They can recognise the anger and release it in a safe way that is not going to hurt anyone else, physically or verbally.

First step is noticing the physical changes in their body. Are they feeling themselves red? Do their hands clench? Or do they feel their heart beating faster?

Second step is changing the attitude. If children change their attitude about what others are saying or doing to them that irritates them and just let it go over their head or they may also think that it’s not worth getting angry, then things can go better. In other words, it’s better to neglect the situation. But if they can’t neglect then they could verbalise firmly their angry feeling to the person they are with that “I am angry right now, and I really need to be myself” and walk away.

How can children manage their anger:  Once they are out of the situation, they have to relax and calm themselves.  To express their anger in a right way they can:

1.       Do some vigorous activities to channelize their energy like- kicking the ball, brisk walk, shout out loud in the garden/bedroom, dance, jump on trampoline or play tennis

2.       Count to 20 backwards

3.       Recite the word “Relax” over and over again

4.       Take deep breaths

5.       Have some water

6.       Listen to music or play musical instrument

7.       Do some of their favourite work like- drawing, watching TV or singing

8.       Find some quite space and think what happened, what the trigger was for them getting angry and what they need to do to get the life back on track

9.       Talk to someone like- parents, friends or teachers

10.   They can have an anger drawer in which they can store anger

11.   They can also write their thoughts in an anger diary about what made them angry, how they dealt with them, or what they can do next

Parents should consider few things while responding to the angry child:

1.       It is very important for the parents to stay calm and not to react

2.       Parents should show the child that they accept his or her feelings

3.       Parents must teach them the right ways to express their feeling

4.       Parents should convey their values and communicate what they expect from their child

5.       Parents should not punish their child for expressing their anger and try to find the reason behind it

6.       Try to ignore inappropriate behaviour that can be tolerated

7.       Listen and understand the child and his feelings

8.       Give the child some space & time of his/her own, to calm down

9.       Fill the tank of love and affection of their child

Finally, children should understand that when they are angry, they are the only people who are responsible for their actions and emotions.They cannot change others, but they can change themselves for the peace of their mind.

Depth is more important than width!

“Being able to focus into one thing is more important than multitasking or trying to do many things at a time.”  ~Ankima Kul.

In today’s society it is considered that people, who are able to do more than one task at a time, are smarter or more intelligent than those who focus in one thing at a time. This is true for directly simultaneous tasks, such as watching TV or talking on phone while eating food, as well as indirect simultaneous tasks, such as joining many extra-curricular activities in the week (e.g. cricket, football, piano etc., all together along with regular school).

Those people, who do multitasking, are actually shifting their attention from one task to another, and it is found that it is not good for the smartness or intelligence of the individual. David Walsh mentions in his book Smart parenting, Smarter kids ,“… this digital age, teens wire their brains to make these shifts very quickly, but paying attention to one thing at a time, sequentially. Common sense tells us multitasking should increase brain activity, but actually it doesn’t. Researches discovered that multitasking actually decreases brain activity. Neither task is done as well as if each were performed individually, fractions of a second are lost every time we make a switch, and a person’s interrupted task can take 50 percent longer to finish, with 50 percent more errors.”

It is not that the children can’t do some tasks simultaneously but if they do two or more tasks at once, one of them has to be very familiar. Our brain performs the familiar task on “automatic pilot” while really paying attention to the other one. For e.g., kids can normally talk while tying shoe laces, as latter goes on auto pilot. But it is always better to do one thing at a time as constant distraction is a real threat to kid’s growth and success.

“Children mistakes are not always bad”

Parents should always trust their children and give them age appropriate responsibilities. If children are successful finishing the task properly, then parents should appreciate their effort. But if, somehow, they couldn’t do the task properly, children should be encouraged and motivated to try the task once again. Because they always need their parent’s support to learn from their mistakes.                                                                                                                                                 -Ankima Kul.

Bullying

"Bully: A person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker" -Oxford Dictionary.

Bullying is an attack or intimidation with the intension to cause fear, distress or harm . It says to the victim that " I have a power on you in some ways, I have social power, i am bigger, older or stronger than you". To prove that they attack the same victim repeatedly. They subtly want the victim to feel uncomfortable and helpless. Bullying can be physical, racist, emotional and verbal which can completely knock the victim's self-confidence and self-esteem.

Anyone can be bullied. It could be a boy, girl, or sibling, no matter what their age is, who looks weak, depressed or alone. Similarly, anyone can do bully. It could be the sibling, boys and girls, anyone. Bullying is the equal opportunity for boys and girls. Boys tend to be more physical and aggressive but girls bully with their words by being ruder, subtle, and sneaky. some people do bully to hide their own inadequacy. They can have low self-esteem and feel insecure about who they are. They may also come from a background where that behaviour is not only acceptable, but normal. So they project their inadequacy on to other children by dumping their anger on the victim because of jealously, envy and even rejection.

Their are some warning signs which can give some clues to the parents, that their child is being bullied, are:

1- Victim will be quite in their temperament. They will not go and tell to anyone that they are being bullied.

2-Victim may have poor self-esteem

3-Victim may have friendship difficulties

4-Victim may have lack of assertiveness

How can parents help their child?

If the victim says that they are being bullied, parents have to discuss with them why they think they are. Some children can perceive that they are a victim of bullying when a friend unintentionally ignores them, someone jokes around with them or they are not invited to join in a game. Then, they are needed to be explained, by the parents, the difference between their friends having a joke/teasing them and bullying. And they also needed help to address the problem in the correct way.

When the parents come to know that their dear one is being bullied, they can give tools to the child so that the child feels that he also has some power. And that tool is Brave talk for younger kids and straight talk for older ones. All, parents can teach their children are:

Brave talk: Teach them how to look assertive- Use strong body language (maintain eye contact, firm tone of voice ) and face expressions to match with the message. And use 'I' statements, like- "I really don't like what you said" or "I don't agree with that".

Straight talk: Along with teaching the children of being assertive, also teach them that they can't control anyone but themselves. And that empowers them.

Also teach them positive self-talk (like-i am good and i don't care what they say), get them to speak up (like-leave me alone), when the bully say something like-'you are stupid' then they have to respond with 'Thank you, I know' and after that they could walk away.

Tips for the parents:

1- Respond, don't react- On the overreaction, child will shut down himself.

2-Investigate- Investigate the happening.

3- Stay open- Stay open to know that may be your child did something.

4-Empower the victim-Empower the children by not telling them what to do and what not to do. Encourage them to sort the things out by themselves first.

Ask your child that "do you want me to listen and understand right now or you are asking me for help and to do something?" because sometimes children just wanted to talk about the day and you might get panicked unnecessarily.

To conclude, tackling the problem of bullying is not as difficult as it looks like. The most important thing is the realization that we also have as much power to stop getting bullied, as in the person who is doing the bully.

Reference: "The Parent's Toolkit", Naomi Richards.
                   http://www.kidpointz.com/